DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS REVEALED or THINGS I SHOULD BE EMBARRASED BY

Each of the below is 100% true, and I regret none of them.

In no particular order:

My first kiss was actually with 2 girls, Jo-Ellen Skanski and "Tuna" Schone. I was 14, they were both 16, and they took me to Hamilton Park and took turns making out with me. Jo-Ellen tasted like apples, "Tuna" oddly enough tasted like Dorito's

I cry almost every time at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life"

I don't dislike my daughters boyfriend, I just wish he would go away

I resent the time and money I have to spend on my Mother-In-Law

I have had sex with 2 women at the same time, and it was every bit as enjoyable as I had imagined (and no, it wasn't with Jo-Ellen and Tuna, I was 14 for chrissakes)

I stopped taking medications without telling anyone

I am the one who spray painted "Sister Angela-Therese Sucks" on the Queen of Angels school doors in grade school (I know I am going to hell for that one)

I once beat a stranger senseless because of the way he was treating his girlfriend

I was once beaten senseless because of the way I was treating a strangers girlfriend (I was flirting with her, but man it would have been worth it)

My friend Bo and I went to the Senior Prom solo to try and steal peoples dates. It worked, and we didn't have to rent a tux.

Occasionally I will watch porn- but man does most of it suck

I take long bubble baths with Bath and Body Works products at least several times a week, and have never once felt gay about it

I have an irrational fear of dying in my sleep

I think the sexiest part of a woman are her eyes (OK, this one is a little weird, but I will take a woman with bedroom eyes over one with a nice rack- having both isn't a problem either though)