A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS

Recently two people did something for me that moved me so profoundly, and in ways I never thought I would experience again, that it has been almost haunting in its effect. I am sure that for both of them it barely registered at all, but for a (too) brief period of time I felt a peace and contentment that hit me on such a basic and fundamental level that it actually made me woozy, and even now as I write this that strange, knotted feeling is returning.

For you morons out there, I am not refering to anything sexual, although there was an element of sensual pleasure (all on my end I am sure) just from the sheer sensory nature of the experience. This side of it was intensified by the fact that the two people, who don't really know me well at all, took me in and engaged me on so many levels that I think I actually got teary-eyed. It was that rare moment where you actually realize its significance and impact while it is happening, which actually makes it joyous and bittersweet at the same time.

I am generally indifferent to most people; even folks I am friendly with I do not count as friends. These two, neither of whom will probably ever know or understand why, I am indebted to. Their grace, elegance, compassion, intelligence, and fundamental decency have moved me in ways that I could never explain to them in person without sounding like a complete idiot. The fact that my feelings and sensations were most likely not shared is unimportant. What is important is that for a few hours I shared a time and place with people of substance, and it was thrilling, peaceful, sexy and satisfying (and a little frustrating) and I would give anything to feel that again.

The fact that these two exist and drfited into my life is proof enough that we matter, and that all the pain and regret and bullshit are worth wading through to be able to share the moments I shared with them.

Here endeth the sentiment.