Tonight and last night, and the day that fell between, have to register as the worst 36 hours I have ever experienced, yet for some reason I sit here feeling strangely elated and content. I am shivering, tired, and ache from head to toe, and yet I find myself feeling about as satisfied as a person could possibly be.
Tonight and last night, and the day that fell between can only be inelegantly described as a shit sandwich that I was force-fed slowly (nice,huh?). I have had to put up with shit from people I wold normally steamroll over, I suffered 20 questions from someone I hadn't seen in a while interrogating me about how awful I looked in a roomful of people I can't stand, and I think I have probably been given a preview of what I have to look forward to in terms of what I will have to deal with as I start the shut-down process.
And yet I am here, smiling wearily, and I am not afraid of what today will bring.
The scales have been out of balance for too long, and I didn't even notice. On the one side there is stacked all the things we all have to deal with: regrets, fears, losses, anger- all the things that make each of our lives messy and which we spend far too much time obsessing on and which weigh heavily on all of us.
And on the other side of the scales there is her, and the balance is restored.
In a strange way now I don't really care how much shit piles up on the "bad" side of the scales, because each and every thing that piles up there only makes me appreciate the weight of her more deeply, and I know that there is nothing that can be piled on that she can't balance out for me.
There is so much more that I wanted to say here- but I have finally gotten to the point where I think I can actually sleep for an hour or two, and I need to take it whenever I can.
To be continued....
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