NOTHING TO FEAR HERE

First of all- I don't think you got this picture and I love it- you are simply adorable in it.

Now, I thought about sending an email, but I want you to have this for all time. YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HOW I WILL REACT TO ANYTHING IN YOUR PAST. The capital letters are for extra emphasis. What you need to know Lili is that the fact that you do share things with me makes me love you even more, and makes me so much more comfortable sharing things with you. I am certainly in no position to judge anyone about anything given some of the things I have done, much less the woman I love. And there has been nothing that you have shared with me that has caused me to pause at all. I have so much love and respect for you Lili, and what is important is not the road that may have brought us here individually, but the road that we are traveling together.

I want to know everything about you, what you have been through, what you have done, what your dreams, hopes and desires are. There is absolutely nothing that you could tell me that would diminish what I feel for you, NOTHING. One of the things I love about you is that you are so open and honest with me, and it helps me open up to you and makes me feel even closer to you knowing that you trust me enough to share very personal things with me.

When I told you earlier that the only thing I would require if we ended up together was that you be faithful to me moving forward, well it goes without saying that I have no worries about this- I trust you completely and totally. And I shouldn't have even said it like that- what I really mean is that I just need you to be completely honest with me, and I know you will be. This has to be the case even if it hurts me- the worst thing that could happen to me at this point would be for you to try to "spare" me anything.

I will be completely honest here, and it is something I try not to think about very often, but sometimes I am a little bit scared of what is going to happen with me. I am reminded occasionally that my days are likely to be numbered shorter than I want them to be, and now that I have met you this bothers me in a way it didn't before. The honest truth is that there are really only 2 ways I can face things going forward: I can wall myself off to everything and everyone and isolate myself so that I am pretty much indifferent to whatever is going to happen, or I can put my emotions, love, and feelings, and every ounce of passion I have, into a relationship with you, and face whatever may happen with a sense of peace and contentment (and this doesn't necessarily mean that you have to give yourself over to me, just keep me in your life in some capacity- I don't want to pressure you into anything- just having you in my life is enough). To be honest one of the things I am scared of is that while I am sure that I would always give you the emotional love you deserve, I am a little bit afraid that a point might come that I wouldn't necessarily be able to provide all of the physical or sexual satisfaction you deserve- there I said it. I know these things are important (food/sleep/sex- remember) and I would never want to put you in the position of feeling emotionally satisfied, but sexually unfulfilled- and it would kill me if it ever came to that. (all right- maybe I think too much)

As far as I am concerned the only thing that matters is what we have together, and if that ever proved not to be enough, on a physical, emotional, or sexual level, or any level, for you then I would just want to make sure that you would be honest with me and tell me. Don't ever hold anything back from me Lili- for any reason. It is the greatest measure of the love we have that both of us should always be able to trust the other enough to share anything, good, bad, or indifferent.

I love, respect, admire, and cherish you Lili- I have looked into you and what I found there has made me glow and feel loved in a way that I can't even begin to describe, and if I have ever said or done anything to make you worry about the way I feel about you, just let me know. Believe me when I tell you that with each passing day, each shared moment, each conversation, my feelings only deepen and grow.

I love you, and I always will, and there will be no other for me, ever.