THROUGH A CRYSTAL BALL, DIMLY

I have a crystal ball. Unfortunately for me, this crystal ball is pretty much useless when it comes to predicting anything, all it is capable of is visualizing my wants and desires. It won't tell me what will happen, it just shows me glimpses of what I would like to happen. I think I bought it in New Jersey, which would explain why it doesn't work as it should.

Still- there is a small comfort in being able to gaze into it and picture what could happen, and what future I might be able to have.

Come... gaze into it with me, and see what my future would be, if I could control it.

The clouds part to reveal a garden setting. There are only a few people present- a man and a woman, 4 children, a few friends perhaps, but it is a small, intimate, peaceful gathering. They are all assembled to take part in a celebration of love and comittment, and the ceremony uniting the man and woman in marriage is personal and not necessarily the traditional way of doing such things, but it is unique to the man and woman, and will celebrate all of the things that draw them to one another. The man wants no other woman, and his entire world will revolve around her and her children for the rest of his life, and everything he lives for will be for them. There is nothing the man wants or needs beyond them, and even though the children aren't his, and never could be, he will love and revere them and do anything in his power to nuture and care for them, and provide them with comfort and love and understanding, and he will be there for them for anything. He will never try to usurp their biological fathers role or importance in their lives, but he will always try to be an example and role model for them, so that they may know that they are loved and have a value in this world, and that their mother is revered and cherished by a man who looked into her and saw nothing but wonder and beauty. This vision of hope and happiness is a recurring one in my crystal ball, and has not been arrived at lightly- it is all I want. I know it might take some time, and that there would be bumps along the path, but being united with the woman I love would complete me in a way nothing else in my life has, and I would hope that she would feel the same way.

Give the ball a shake and gaze again. This time the view is a little cloudier, and not necessarily as defined as the previous vision, but it is still there none the less. There is a house, a home, and it could be any house, because those who live there make it a home and a haven for all. There are the man and woman, there are the four wonderful, beautiful children, and obscured by the milky ether in the ball, it is perhaps possible to see a fifth child, boy or girl- it wouldn't matter. The man can think of no greater honor then to have the woman consent to bear their child. The beauty and wonder and awe the man feels for the woman would have their ultimate manifestation in a child that both could call their own, and all the love, respect, affection, and warmth that each feel for the other would also be conveyed onto the child. This vision is not as tangible as the previous one- there are so many things to consider: her previous children, nothing could ever come between the mother and them, they are and always should be the first consideration, her age and place: this is probably the time in her life that she should be looking forward to being unbound, where her life truly is hers to live as she wants, the mans longevity: the simple reality is that any child born of the man and woman would probably not have his/her father around to see them reach full adulthood, and the woman would probably end up a single parent again. So many things to consider, but that doesn't mean that the desire is any less real.

Yes- I have a crystal ball. It shows me what I want to see. I see endless days of summer spent with a woman and her children, laughing, loving, and reveling in every moment. I see soft warm nights spent sharing a bed with a woman who excites every sense in my body, and waking to her beauty and warmth every morning. I see us being together, not just in an informal, casual way, but united in love for all to see. I see a family in the truest sense of the word, even if the man is not the true father, he will love each as his own, and will support them in any way throughout their lives, and if nothing else will be a true friend to them always.

My crystal ball isn't very useful I guess, it won't show me things that will be- only what I would like to be. But it still fills me with a warmth to gaze into it and to imagine that such things may be possible. I can only hope and pray that when she gazes into it she perhaps sees a similar vision. If not, nothing changes- I will still love, cherish and support her in any and every way I can- nothing will ever change the way I feel about her. But God I would give anything for both of us to gaze into my crystal ball and see the same possible future.

It would be nice to have a crystal ball that would actually tell and show me what will actually be, not just what I want to be, and I guess I have learned a valuable lesson.

Never buy a fucking thing in New Jersey.