QUESTIONS ANSWERED IN TIME

My Sweetest Liliana,

There are many paths, many roads that we can travel, and unfortunately these byways appear on no map. We choose our paths using instinct, tuition, just blind faith, whatever. But the paths never choose us Liliana. We end up where we end up because of the choices we make along the way, the turns we decided to take, and the ones we didn't, but the choices are ours and ours alone.

They say the most important rule for a trial lawyer is to never ask a question that you don't already know the answer to. For the past couple of weeks or so I have been struggling with whether or not to ask you a question, not necessarily because I didn't know what the answer would be, but because I wasn't sure if it was even appropriate to bring up, and because I was fairly sure that the answer would probably cause me more harm than good.

You were honest with me, and I love you for that. For whatever reason we seem to be on seem weird wavelength together, and I have some odd connection with you- if you hadn't been honest with me I would have known or sensed it, and that would have been the worst kind of cut.

Make no mistake though- for reasons that I can't fully explain I am hurt and wounded, but I get it- I really do. But had you tapped danced around it or I felt you had lied to me, well, that I couldn't deal with. I am not a child though, I know that the words I would have liked to have heard only would have been spoken and meant in a fairy tale- but that doesn't mean that I still can't wish I had heard them. I do know this- I can't love you any more than I do, and I am certain that there is nothing I have held back from you, I give you everything I am capable of giving, so if for whatever reason this isn't enough, it won't be because I kept my emotions in check.

I kinda know you pretty well by now Liliana, and I have also learned a little bit about human nature in my advanced age. There are going to be plenty of ways to justify it if certain things to happen- but don't think for a second that it will be for any other reason than you wanted it or allowed it to happen. That isn't a bad thing I guess, you are an adult and can and should make your own choices. But unless I am completely wrong, you will only have a few fleeting moments of instant gratification, without a whole lot to show for it afterward. And the things that you could get away with, or would have less significance perhaps, with someone who you don't have the kind of history with that you have with Dale, well they take on a different and deeper meaning given that history with him- there is whole lot less innocence involved in risque behavior or patterns or conversations with you two than there would be with someone else, and I am sure that is maybe a thrill for you, and if you feel you still need or want that, then just disregard everything above, but every comment or moment has a potentially more shaded meaning with you two, no matter how you try to disregard it.

I love you totally Liliana, I hope you navigate well. I will travel with you for as long as you will have me, but there are some paths that you must decide on your own whether or not they are worth taking.

And all I can do is sit on the sideline, and wait for the answers to questions I would rather not contemplate- and that is ok, because I know that you don't honestly have an answer for these questions yet either.

Here's to hoping that we arrive at the destination together.